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Thursday, March 14, 2013

Address Change

Followers of the Tero Report are asked to follow this new blog. If there are no new posts here, go there. Kari Report Cheers.

DYLAN

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Roofer Buys Coffee Machine at Target

Newark, NJ -- Area roofer Isaac Newton, 32, finally got around to buying a new coffee machine after Mr. Coffee failed two weeks ago. "I get in the pick up and get Joe and on the way to the job, I and I stop at the local coffee drive through. Not Starbucks, it's operated by my Jamaican brother Malcolm." But the commute to job sites is sometimes long and difficult. The drive through takes time, what with Malcolm chatting with every customer. "I plan to drink coffee at home again and I will bring Joe his mug to drink in the truck." Isaac thinks the Black and Decker will work. "I am familiar with the name, we have some of their tools, though we use better drills if we need to drill." They apparently do some carpentry on the side.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Grandma Posts First Ever FB Photo

Lima, OH -- Grandma June, 75, managed to take a picture of all her grandkids who came to visit. She had her own picture on the FB page, but her daughter had put that in. "I made an album called Album and then I just uploaded a picture from one of them electronic things that looks flat and comes out of the camera. I was so excited." She does not usually take it out even, just takes it to Walgreens to develop ten or twenty prints.."

Couple Breaks Up Over Body Disposal

Dayton, OH -- Area killers, Debbie and Jimmy, broke up hours before being arrested for killing the woman's landlord. "You were supposed to ditch the pick up into the lake!" claimed Jimmy. "But you took the keys after you went to buy beer with the money in his wallet! I went home and texted you!" claimed Debbie. Jimmy could only respond with a blank stare, as he had forgotten to go to Walgreens to get a card to update his prepaid phone acoount.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Dad Saves Billy's Birthday

Canton, OH -- Billy Myer was about to have his fifth birthday. Grandma was there to stay at the table for the younger siblings and their few playmates. Balloons were out by the front door the night before. The day of the birthday the floods came. The front yard drainage system was flooded. The guests could come in through the garage of course. But at this time mom Sally was locked up in the bathroom adjoining the master bedroom with a migraine.

Dad was making another pot of coffee. The women can handle inside stuff. He would put up a sign not to park in front of the house due to the small pond developing in front of the main door. Unless...the hardware store opened at 10. The party was not till two. He could flood the side of the house outside the garage. If the rain stopped, he would only need to hose off the concrete steps to the front door. The hardware store did indeed have the supplies for the temporary solution. Three pieces cost $23.54. Took 15 minutes to assemble and loosen the drain pipe enough. Dad took a picture and e-mailed it to Sally, who then emerged from the bath room with fresh make up.

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Saturday, March 9, 2013

Bob Seger Ruins Song for Nashville Man

Nashville -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis had another bad day writing songs. It started out fine and he had an entire song worked out with the hook line "running against the wind". Then he met Nathaniel at McDonalds and they took their big macs to the park bench and ate them in peace, with Diet Coke. "So I have this new song, Nathaniel," said Earl, pulling out the Martin guitar out of the beat up case. As the song was playing out with the chords C G and D plus Bm, Nathaniel noted the chord changes as familiar and as the words with "mountain", "wildfire" and "running against the wind" flowed out, he suddenly had it. "Earl, I never knew you as a Bob Seger fan, but believe me, you are just channeling Bob Seger." They went to the record store and found a cassette of Seger for 50c. Nathaniel still has a cassette player in his car, so they played it. "Yup, you got me this time. I had more verses, but I just can't use that wind line and that's the whole song. Why don't you just drop me at home, Nathaniel. I'll watch the Histrory Channel, and you can come up, but there's no beer."

PREVIOUS DAVIS STORIES

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2008 Here and There Nashville, TN -- Songwriter Earl "Mac" Davis is about to have a second major hit. Recorded in the late summer, while Earl was stuck home scratching chigger bites after a fishing trip, the song has universal appeal and has been released in country rock and traditional versions. The protagonist, Earl, is "here", while his beloved is "there", far away. The song immediately struck a chord with truck drivers and road crew workers working away from home. However, the appeal appears to be broader. Female listeners who also appear to be "here" while their beloved is "there" are buying the song as downloads and CD singles. The song was recorded in one day with veteran session men chosen by Dylan producer Bob Johnston.

2004 Story Nashville, TN – Songwriter can’t stop loving her. Songwriter Earl “Mac” Davis had two cigarettes and three cups of coffee while watching CNN this morning, then went directly to write down words and chords to a melody in his head. The song practically wrote itself with no additional effort. Earl played around with the lyrics a bit, but then went with the verse and chorus as written, ending the chorus with “I can’t stop loving her”, which was also going to be the title. Earl’s friend Nathaniel met him for lunch soon after. Nathaniel heard Earl sing out the chorus, and liked the melody, which sounded original. He pointed out to Earl that his five last girl friends had no trouble ending the relationship with him. “It’s just a song, Nathaniel, I gotta make a living,” replied Earl. “Besides, she ain’t left yet.”

Friday, March 8, 2013

NY School Achieves 51% Literacy

New York -- PS 55 became the first middle school in the city of New York where at least half the kids going to high school were able to read. They are now working on getting the same kids to be able to spell correctly and do simple math. Parents were encouraged to give the children, especially the boys, a gift at middle school graduation. But it should not be money, as they will just spend it on their first hand gun.

Studies show that boys that have not learned to read at the end of middle school will not learn it in high school, where all their attention is taken with adjusting and buying cool attire.